Trump’s America… Hmmm…
Weekly televised talks, “Address! The! Nation!” Claimed to be live, but actually carefully edited by his handlers to make some sort of sense. The cabinet runs the country in constant competition with the VP’s office. Every week or so one side leaks something damaging about the other, leading to an incredible rate of turn over. Julian Assange has grown bored with him, but a new site called LeakyLeaks springs up to release leaked details. Assange provides proof that it is owned by the Trump organization and run by Roger Ailles. No one cares.
At one point or another each of his adult children (except Tiffany of course) will fill the post of chief of staff. An infotainment show called “Scandal! in the White House!” premiers during the midseason break for cable shows. It is immensely popular, despite the fact that it is wholly owned by TrumpTV. The fans don’t care. It is somewhere between a NewsMag show and “The Osbournes.” This hour long show airs on Thursday nights at 8pm and combines about 7-10 minutes of commentary on who has been hired and fired interspersed with clips from Trump’s weekly Address! The! Nation! show and interviews with the crowd of women who have a semi-permanent encampment just outside of the White House.
Some of those women, “The Troupies!” as they have become known, become famous to the point that a spinoff show, “I Love Donald”, is devoted to documenting their rivalries. Every week the producers introduce some sort of competition, just to keep things fresh. The ratings hit their highpoint at the second season finale in which a cat fight between 50ish aging socialite Sukie and 24 year old, ex Vidalia Onion Queen, Amber causes three out of four breast implants to rupture.
Eight months later Sukie has written a tell all book which include some very salacious scenes involving Gary Busey, an eggplant, and seven bottles of Newman’s Own Red Wine Vinaigrette.
Amber is the star of her own show, “Amber Goes to College”, a reality show chronicling her time at Georgia State on a Trump Scholarship which includes fabulous accommodations, a personal car and driver, three separate tutors, a personal chef and $1,000 weekly spending money in addition to books and tuition. It is cancelled mid-season. Later Amber sues the Trump Foundation when she discovers that the “Scholarship” was actually a student loan and she now owes over $350,000 at 19.9%(variable) interest.
Oh. Yeah. Trade deals are made pitting India and China against one another to the point that relations are in a nuclear standoff. Indian troops have seized control of Nepal and frequent skirmishes break out with Chinese troops holding Tibet. White House Press Secretary Scott Baio (Oct. 2-19, 2018) refers to Nepal as “an African country?” during a live press conference.
All US troops leave Iraq, Afghanistan and Syria by March 1, 2017. On May 7, 2017 they are redeployed to hold the borders of the EU against ISIS. There is talk during July, 2017 of a deployment to northern Africa to hold the southern borders, but it is agreed behind closed doors that Africa is expendable. On July 22 leaked video of that conversation airs on LeakyLeaks. This not only debuts LeakyLeaks on the world stage, it is the first in a long series of power grabs by the Office of the Vice President. Over the four years of Trump’s presidency there will be 22 separate instances of these, but they all prove short lived. This is most likely due to the VP’s obsession with abortion, and failed attempts pushing through a nominee for what eventually total five empty seats on the Supreme Court. Polls showed most viewers thought this was “a downer”, “boring”, and “not as fun as Trump.”
The economy is uneven with some state’s unemployment as high as 9.3% while a few boast rates as low as 1.2%. HUD Director Ann Coulter institutes “Movin’ On Up To Happiness!” loans to help displaced workers relocate. The MOUTH and larger BIGMOUTH loans are structured like student debt and cannot be relieved. Initially the MOUTH program boasts huge successes, leading to the creation of the later BIGMOUTH program. The latter offered loans of up to $1million to help struggling families get back on their feet. Areas like California’s Silicon Valley react with panic at the influx of low skilled workers pouring into their already tight housing markets. Local laws are passed limiting how close to urban centers the Mouthers may settle and live. By the time these laws are declared unconstitutional by a rare 3-1 vote by the Supreme Court a halo of shanty towns surrounds nearly every metropolitan area with a (formerly) robust economy.
68% of MOUTH, and 85% of BIGMOUTH loans default leading to paired market bubbles and crashes. Defaulters are declared to be in breach of law, however there is no consensus on what will be done with them. A token number are imprisoned, but even with the huge construction projects to build new facilities, there is nowhere near room for all of them. Most states pass laws to allow defaulters to avoid prison so long as they keep up a modest repayment record. These people, mostly minorities, agree to the terms almost unanimously although doing so means that they are reclassified as “Resident Non-Alien Non-Citizens.” NANCies give up the right to vote, own property, take out loans, and in Arizona, the right to a driver’s license.
Every year tax rebate checks are sent to every (citizen) household. These are timed to coincide with Black Friday sales. Prices for Chinese made electronics hit record lows. Battery powered wifi enabled televisions hit stores at affordable rates. Even homes without access to electricity or running water can have televisions. Hefty batteries mean these TV’s only need charging once a week, even while serving as charging stations for phones, laptops, or other accessories. Walmart offers low cost charging stations in nearly every neighborhood, and since the Trump Administration signed off on the WiFi Lifeline act, free wifi is considered a basic human right.
ObamaCare is repealed in February 2017 and replaced by GoodCents Health Savings plans. Individuals without employer sponsored healthcare are eligible to put away pre-tax money in an HSA, and depending on income the government will match between 2-9% annually. HSA Account money needs to be used within any calendar year or it reverts to the government with a 19% processing fee paid to the bank. Individuals are free to use this money to either purchase their own healthcare insurance on the new nationwide network of insurers, or to simply use it to pay their medical bills. People are now free to shop around, whether it be for an insurance plan or an MRI. They are now able to select their own team of surgeons, anesthesiologists, and nurses for their next bypass surgery.
Contrary to initial fears about civil liberties most Americans barely notice any changes as the Trump Administration goes on. We still have freedom of the Press. In fact, certain select journalists are given new, unfettered access to the various branches of government, and except for a single review for reasons of national security, are free to print or air whatever they like. Major newspapers are, of course, also required to submit to review before press, but that is considered a small price to pay for security from terrorism. This has the positive effect of creating an environment rife with opportunities for the up and coming citizen journalist. Every year Breitbart sponsors a contest to award the best new independent journalist. C-Span is taken off the air. No one notices.
Americans report that they feel better and more optimistic about the future free of the constant babble about the goings on in Washington. Most conservative voters feel plenty informed by the various weekly offerings from TrumpTVFoxNewsCo. Liberal voters continue to get their information from The Daily Show or Late Night with Stephen Colbert (which are still on the air, which proves Americans still have freedoms.) The sausage making of government is best left to the elected representatives, and on the increasingly rare occasion that a budget is passed or a bill is signed into law they have a press conference. “But really when you think about it,” says Debbie Clayton of Scranton, PA. “We’ve had over 200 years of laws passed. It makes sense that they would’ve covered most everything by now. We don’t need a lot of new laws. We were doing just fine the way we were. We probably shouldn’t even keep paying for that Congress anymore. We should just let the states take care of their own business and let the President run things like we elected him to.” Judging by the positive feedback in the comments section for “I Love Donald” after Ms. Clayton’s interview was aired, a majority of Americans feel the same.
Presidential approval ratings hit their highest point in early 2018, when during a Congressional Recess, president Trump signed an executive order legalizing marijuana for recreational use in all 50 states and Puerto Rico. Prisoners serving time in federal prisons for marijuana offenses were given the offer of release with the offense cleared from their record if they are able to pay back the government for costs incurred during incarceration. Special MOUTH loans were made available to family and friends at only 5% down.
President Trump is quoted as saying, “We’re covering the costs of the police, the trials, all of that. Because what they did, it’s okay now. Even though they knew they were illegal when they did it, but that’s all okay now. We just ask for the costs. Just like the rent and food they would have been paying for if, you know, they never got arrested for doing the illegal. It’s only fair that they should be paying their own way. The American people shouldn’t have to pay for these people’s, their rent. And the guards. We have fabulous people as guards. The best. But the best people, you know, you have to pay them. So it just seems fair that these people who were doing the, at the time, the illegals. They should pay for that.”
“This is why America, it’s the greatest country on earth. In the universe. Because we can always make a deal.”