That’s no lady, that’s my mom!

During an amusing session of online banter I found myself engaged with several other persons with whom I have no tie in “life”, but with whom I share at least one common interest, namely all being fans of a certain writer. The conversation had veered wildly off topic and a few of us made a succession of rather bawdy comments, at which point someone said, “How do all you ladies know so much about *insert topic here*??? I’m coming over with some beer!”


Prior to that point I may or may not have noticed that all the participants were female (other than the last commenter), but it had not seemed important to me. I hold no rancor for the guy in question either. He was trying to be funny just as the rest of us were. He wasn’t making any sort of value judgement or even making a skeevy pass. I don’t care about that stuff. It is all online anyhow, and I have a really thick skin when it comes to humor. Plus I was the one who took the jokes in a vaguely sexual direction. I certainly can’t complain if someone else goes there. One thing I try hard not to be is a hypocrite.

Still. Ladies.


This isn’t the first time I’ve run up against this recently. Another online friend, who is extremely feminist in his leanings, posted a meme talking about what he finds sexy in a woman. The point of it was that the things that are really sexy aren’t the things that are played up in the media, but whatever. One item on the list was “an innocent looking lady who can swear like a sailor.” And I rankled. I did.

Why, I can hear you asking? What is wrong with calling a woman a lady? Isn’t it a compliment?

Well, it IS meant to be. The witty banter I engaged in this evening was on a feed that tends to skew somewhat older than I. I recognize the fact that the use of that L word is intended to be flattering, or at least neutral. Which is why I didn’t actually say anything at the time. I don’t like to get into it with strangers, and I hate making people feel bad, even to make a point. That was neither the time nor the place.

Still. I aint no GODDAMN lady.

Why? Because it annoys me that the fact of my gender should somehow exclude me from any body of information. It annoys me that I am supposed to pretend ignorance on subjects that “aren’t fit for a lady.” It annoys me that even in this day and age “innocence” is considered a virtue, when to me innocence is another word for ignorance. Why is it feminine to be uneducated? On any topic? Why are there words I am not supposed to know? Or supposed to demurely pretend not to know? Why is it somehow sexy to secretly know these words, but appear not to?

I am by nature a curious person. I am. I want to know things. Often the things I want to know are not comfortable things. They are not necessarily palatable things. But they are true things, to the extent that I can make them so. I don’t think ignorance of ugliness is protection from ugliness, but I guess that is just me.

I guess I am just the kind of mom who watches Family Guy with her kids, no matter how old they are, and then answers any questions that may come up. I answer them honestly, and in detail. Until they tell me to stop. This is how I do it. I know it isn’t how most people do it. So I’m the kind of mom whose 10 year old daughter asks me to please stop talking about the best way to dispose of a body when we are in public. I can accept that.

But I am no fucking lady.


One Response to “That’s no lady, that’s my mom!”

  1. Also, I don’t believe you are the wife or daughter of a duke, marquis, earl, baronet, or knight. So you don’t qualify. Just saying.

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