Archive for March, 2014

The Sibling Wars: Drone Strikes

Posted in Uncategorized on March 31, 2014 by Misanthropic Mom's Group

Now those of you who have been playing along at home know that He Who Shall Not Be Named has another child aside from mine. The child in question is a little girl who is now about 18 months old, and from photos I have seen, is quite adorable. I have not actually met her, or her mother, but I have been in occasional contact with said mother. As fellow baby mommas and veterans of HWSNBN, we have certain interests in common. I actually envy her, as she got out relatively early. But I have absolutely nothing against her or the little girl. I do not believe in punishing babies because their father happens to be an idiot.

Tuki, on the other hand, holds no such qualms. From day 1 of Baby’s existence she has been feeling affronted. Her father, in a stunningly tone deaf feat of being completely, predictably himself, chose to give his new daughter the same middle name as his previous daughter. I have no doubt that he thought that this would somehow tie them together… but if he had ever once paid the slightest bit of attention to Tuki’s personality he would have known to ASK HER FIRST. So (Surprise!) she was royally pissed to have her name “stolen” by the new baby. My attempts to explain that it was actually stolen by her father have fallen on deliberately deaf ears. As far as she is concerned human babies are loud, smelly, annoying and suffer from a distinct lack of fur. On the one hand, as a parent of a nearly teenaged girl, I like to encourage such opinions. On the other hand, I don’t really want her to take out her annoyance on an innocent child. So I find myself in the odd position of championing this baby who belongs to someone else, and trying to get Tuki to see reason. It doesn’t matter one whit if it is “fair” or not that Baby exists. She does. It isn’t her fault. She doesn’t deserve a big sister who constantly bemoans her existence.

Of course there is someone else whose existence is bemoaned by Tuki, and that is of course her brother. Basically this girl would strongly prefer to be an only child, and if only the universe would succumb to her will, it would be so. They are in a near constant state of squabbling, most of which seems (to me) to be driven by Tuki being annoyed at anything and everything that he does.

Most of it… but even the most tolerant and oblivious of brothers is going to fight back somehow. And, well… he is human. So he goads her. In the style of brothers from time immemorial if something annoys her, he does it over and over again. And she is SO easy to annoy! Apparently he does this more when they are at their father’s apartment, because it is tiny and they are all living in each other’s laps. And of course I hear about every offense in intimate detail as soon as she comes home. Just as I hear exhaustively about all the things that Baby does to her that drive her crazy, as if she expects an 18 month old to act with malicious intent.

18 month olds do not act with malicious intent. And I think that deep down she knows that.

14 year old brothers, on the other hand, certainly do.

The other night I was chatting with Lamp, and I mentioned that I am torn between bowing to Tuki’s desire to spend less time with Baby (i.e. get me to ask her father to allow me more days per week), and wanting her to work out her feelings in that regard. Lamp agreed that she does need to do so. He, himself, is quite fond of Baby and enjoys playing with her. He told me that it probably isn’t helping matters any that he has been teaching Baby to do things to annoy Tuki on purpose.

My quiet son had a bit of a sly smile on his face when he explained that he has taught his toddler sister to give him high fives. Which he now has her do with him. Every time she does something that makes Tuki angry.

He said he considers it a long term investment.